Every pet owner understands the gut-wrenching pain and grief that threaten to overwhelm their emotions when they lose a cat, either temporarily or permanently. They are keenly aware of the ache that the absence of a beloved pet feels like and how much it hurts. It’s no wonder, given that 76% of cat owners consider their feline companions members of their families 1.
It’s hard to know what to say to someone who has experienced such a loss. Take heart in knowing that even a simple acknowledgment will be welcome. Some people think of pets as mere animals, but we know—and science tells us—that cats can form attachments with their owners 2. They tailor their behavior and vocalizations to the family members. That’s part of what makes the loss so devastating.
Things to Say to a Grieving Pet Owner
When someone loses a loved one, many reach out to family and friends. They’re looking for the comfort others can provide. That often begins with a hug. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary. An embrace recognizes the raw pain another person is feeling. You’ve spoken volumes to the pet owner without saying a single word. Believe us, it helps.
People process grief differently. The so-called five stages of grief don’t necessarily apply 3. Some cat owners may want time to mourn privately. Please respect their space. Others may want to talk about their feline companion. Always listen to them. You know your loved one or friend best. Be what they need at the moment.
After a Sudden Loss
This kind of loss can be devastating, especially if the cat was young. Discussing how it happened isn’t as important as reaching out and reassuring the pet owner. Tell your friend that she made her kitty’s life better because of her love and care. Gently remind her how she improved her pet’s quality of life. It can provide some comfort knowing the positive impact people have on their cats’ lives.
Likewise, knowing you share in the pet owner’s grief can be reassuring. A tragic loss doesn’t seem fair, especially for a cat that may have gotten a rough start in life. It’s okay to express these feelings. A simple “I’m so sorry” is priceless. Offer to be the shoulder your friend can cry on or that you’re there if she needs or wants to talk. The shock of the loss may steal the words to voice the emotions.
After a Long Illness
Caring for a pet during a long illness is emotionally taxing. The loss is just as painful. Your loved one may appreciate your acknowledgment of her efforts to care for her cat. Remind her of the selfless gift she gave her pet to make her as comfortable as possible despite the sickness. Not everyone is up to the task. Your loved one made her cat’s life better. Tell her how her pet won the lottery when she met her.
After a Euthanasia
Euthanizing an animal is never easy. It’s a tug-of-war of emotions of wanting to spare a pet the pain and stress of treatment versus your feelings. Sometimes, to end their suffering, we must accept our own. However, the choice belongs to the pet owner because she is the only one who will have to live with it. Reassuring your loved one that she did the right thing will help. She needs to hear it from you.
Things You Can Say
- What a lucky cat [pet’s name] was to know you!
- I was heartbroken to hear about [pet’s name]. I’m here for you.
- [Pet’s name] loved you as much as you loved her.
- How can I help?
- I’m so sorry. I’m thinking of you.
- You gave [pet’s name] a wonderful life.
- We’re all going to miss [pet’s name]. They were the best cat ever.
- It’s never easy. I’m here if you want to talk.
- I’m sorry about [pet’s name]. They were one of a kind.
- I’m so sorry. You made [pet’s name] such a happy cat.
Other Things You Can Do
Recognizing your loved one’s pet as a family member is comforting because it shows you understand their loss. We all want our pets to live forever. You can give this gift to your loved one with a tree or bush planted in her cat’s memory. A plaque with just the kitty’s name is a fitting addition. You can also make a donation in the pet’s memory to a rescue organization or your loved one’s favorite charity.
Sending flowers or even just a sympathy card shows you care. Any gesture is much appreciated.
Things to Avoid Saying
There are some things you should avoid saying that may be inappropriate at this time. The focus should be on your loved one’s loss. It’s not the time to bring up your experiences with losing a pet. Don’t tell your loved one that it’s all for the better. That’s the last thing one wants to hear when they’ve lost what they consider a family member.
Some people don’t view pets in the same way. After all, there’s that other 24% of cat owners that may feel differently. However, take a clue from your loved one’s reaction. If she’s truly grieving, don’t dismiss her pet as just a cat or ask when she’s going to get another one. Sometimes, people want to talk about what happened, and other times, they do not. Let your loved one decide.
Final Thoughts
As Winnie the Pooh said, “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” That’s what our pets mean to us. They shower us with unconditional love, and, boy, can they keep a secret! It’s always too soon when we have to say goodbye. However, it helps when you reach out to grieving a cat owner with your love and understanding. The best thing to say is something rather than nothing.
Featured Image Credit: Vibe Images, Shutterstock
